My Ego and Me

In the name  of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful

I cycled down to the shops today to get some stuff for lunch. When I got to the first store, the ATM machine wouldn’t accept my HSBC card (would you believe there’s NO HSBC in Ireland?? Whatever happened to ‘the world’s local bank‘..?) Then, I tried another ATM in a nearby store and it still wouldn’t work. I was left with no access to cash to buy my groceries…

I unnecessarily spent the ready cash that I had last Saturday when we sent Ainol and her family off after their stay in Ireland. Knowing that I had some extra cash made me reckless and we ate out instead of eating the snacks I brought with me. Even Daniel reminded me to mind my spending when I decided to buy the boys water guns since the weather was turning hot and sunny now.

Money is for most needed, not most wanted...

But, thinking that I still had money in the bank and I could take it out anytime, I didn’t keep any cash on me and so, that’s why today, I had to return home empty handed without buying the stuff I needed for lunch. And not only that, on the way home, the chains on my bike jammed and I had to half lift/push the bike home…

Of course, when things like this occurs, I always do a quick muhasabah (self-check) of myself. And I’ve come to the conclusion that my ego has reared it’s ugly head again. I left my house today, confident that I’ll be able to withdraw money from the ATM and later, when I decided to cycle further up to try my own Irish bank, my bike’s gears jammed up.

I (arrogantly) assumed that things will go as I wanted it to but instead, the things that happened served as a timely reminder that everything is by Allah’s Will. It was only then, that the lesson from Surah An-Nisa’, verse 79 ‘Whatever good, (O man!) happens to thee, is from Allah. but whatever evil happens to thee, is from thy (own) soul.’ was recalled and led me to remember another reminder that I’ve held to for the last 7 years, Surah Al Zumar, verse 9 ‘It is those who are endued with understanding that receive admonition.’

It is a battle between my ego and me. To always remember that Allah Wills as He Wants and we are just His slaves who live on His earth, eating and drinking the foods He provides and breathing the air which He commands.

Thinking that I could get I want or expect on my own is just ridiculous…What happened today was a good kick up my egotistical a*#!

Allah knows best.

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About Sharena

My experiences as mother to Adam and Daniel, wife, daughter , teacher, trainer and friend has enriched my life to the fullest. Life is a journey of small steps through love, tests and contentment; fulfilling our role as khalifah makes it even more challenging and satisfactory.
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