BismilLah ir-Rahman ir- Rahim
A few days ago, I discovered that my youngest son had done something inappropriate, which violated one of the boundaries I had established years ago. It stunned me and I was slow to react, not wishing to let my anger cloud my judgement.
Unfortunately, I waited too long to sit down with Daniel to discuss his wrong behavior and impose a suitable consequence. The best opportunity I had to help Daniel learn from his mistake was lost. I sat him down and explained since too much time had passed, giving him a consequence now for his behavior wouldn’t work because it would be hard for him to see the link/ relevancy of the consequence to his behavior and would only think “Mummy is so unfair!”.
Instead, I told Daniel that I had brought up both of him and Adam to remember they are khalifah and that their behavior should always be good. I told him that I was disappointed that he chose to take that first step to the wrongful behavior but I prayed that he understood that it cannot be repeated ever again. Then, I left it at that, without punishing him.
One of the reasons for this was the realisation that his inappropriate behavior could have been halted earlier. I was able to track back the point at which Daniel made the conscious decision to do something wrong and saw that it was out of boredom. I made the mistake of not checking on him and be more aware that a wrong behavior could occur.
Alhamdulillah, since that talk, Daniel is more obedient and calmer i.e. speaking to me in gentler voice and showing more respect. I know that conflicts between parents and children will always occur but, Alhamdulillah, because Khalifah Method was implemented in our home, those conflicts usually are resolved effectively and quickly.
Introducing Khalifah Method into the home is necessary because it is a formula that works if you commit to it wholeheartedly. The founder of this method, Professor Dr. Muhammad al’Mahdi spent his lifetime understanding children and helped to establish the immensely inspiring concept of khalifah or vicegerent of Allah, on this earth.
In Al Quran, Surah Al Baqarah, verse 30, ‘Behold, thy Lord said to the angels: “I will create a vicegerent on earth.”
Oxford dictionary defines ‘vicegerent’ as ” a person exercising delegated power on behalf of a sovereign or ruler.“
Teaching children their true role on earth is being khalifah of Allah is the single, most effective tool a parent can utilise in the home, and at school. There are countless of parents, besides myself, who have reported wonderful progress in their homes after introducing Khalifah Method to their children. Khalifah Model School students are shining examples of empowering children with knowledge of their true potential.
The three steps of Khalifah Method are:
- Teach children their role as khalifah of Allah in an exciting and motivating way and constantly remind them in a positive manner.
- Reward children with loving praise and gestures for each positive thing that they do. I also reward my kids when I see them make an effort to change.
- Set firm and reasonable boundaries (rules) and enforce them consistently and with Kind Discipline (without harshness/ tegas dan berhikmah)
In Al Quran, Surah Al Nahl, verse 125, ‘invite (all) to the Way of thy Lord with wisdom and beautiful preaching; and argue with them in ways that are best and most gracious: for thy Lord knoweth best, who have strayed from His Path, and who receive guidance.‘
Professor Dr. Muhammad al’Mahdi said that Khalifah Method is ‘ simple but not easy’. It takes commitment and acceptance of the struggle for progress and change to occur successfully in the family. But, if you can see the wonderful benefits and rewards it will bring into your family, you will gladly face any difficulties that come. Allah knows best.
To recap, brain rules # 5: Repeat to remember:
- Each of us have the potential to excel as khalifah on this earth
- Three steps of Khalifah Method:
- Teach children their role as khalifah of Allah
- Reward right behavior and effort with loving praise and gestures
- Set firm boundaries and consistently enforce them with Kind Discipline
- Be patient and stay committed throughout the Shaping Process
May Allah subhana wa ta’ala give you courage and strength throughout your journey as a LifeParent and khalifah. Ameen.