BismilLah ir-Rahman ir-Rahim
Today marks exactly 4 weeks of continuous ill health. In my previous post, I wrote that I was resigned to accepting the pain I was experiencing with quiet dignity and praying to Allah for His Help and making constant dzikr.
This past few days was spent doing muhasabah or self-check (I also like to call it the ‘Kaizen’ method, as a way for continuing spiritual progress). I believe that there is a reason for everything that happens to me so being ill this long and this varied (influenza followed by abscess and non-stop pain in my head).
In reviewing the past 4 weeks, I realised that I had gone through a confusing and emotionally draining time back then. My iman level was low and I remember losing my cool with the boys several times which indicated that I didn’t have “patient perseverance” (Surah Al Hajj, verse 35, ‘ To those whose hearts when God is mentioned, are filled with fear, who show patient perseverance over their afflictions..’ ).
Maybe being ill is the best way for me to stop for a moment and take stock of my existing spiritual level and ‘recharge’ myself. By reviewing and understanding my behavior, I can then correct the mistakes I’ve made and implement the necessary steps to progress my iman and taqwa, Insha’Allah.
Our beloved Prophet Muhammad salla Allah alayhi wassalam said when visiting a sick person, we should say, ” La ba’sa tahuran Insha’Allah ” which means ‘No worries. May this be a purification (of your sins) for you, if Allah wills.’
Again, being ill reminded me of my vulnerability and I pray that I’ve learnt humility and gratefulness to Allah subhana wa ta’ala throughout my illnesses. The verse ‘ Inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi raji’un ‘ We belong to Allah and we will return to Him’ is repeated when the feeling of despondency suddenly sweeps over me and I never stopped saying ‘Alhamdulillah‘ every time I felt better.
Allah is the Most Merciful, there is no doubt.