All praise is due to Allah subhana wa ta’ala, Lord of the worlds.
Assalamualaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh, my dear brothers and sisters.
Adam and I were having a chat about the lack of consistency and discipline I’ve been seeing recently and I know it’s also partly due to me as well for not enforcing the rules. I said I need to be a stricter mother and Adam immediately said, ‘Mummy, you are already very strict with us!’
Looking back, what Adam said makes sense. The boys have rules and boundaries that are heavier than most kids their age. No TV at home; no junk food; no fast food; home-cooked meals 95% of the time; no soft drinks; only plain water is allowed; games and videos on the computer are chosen and allowed by me.
But because Adam and Daniel were brought up The Khalifah Way, they accept these rules and do not complain at all, Alhamdulillah. Note: this level of obedience came after a long Shaping Process using Khalifah Method but I made a du’a that I realised helped my sons to achieve obedience faster. When they go to school, they will kiss my hand and I make this du’a:
‘May Allah bless you, give you good knowledge and make you obedient. Ameen.’
Because I know Adam and Daniel have accepted these rules willingly, it is important that I reward them as well. A lot of the things that they get (that is out of the ordinary likes toys, books or trips to the cinema, Planetarium or Zoo) is understood by them to be a reward, not a privilege. They should not expect anything but when they do get it, immediately they have to give thanks to Allah Almighty.
Being a khalifah parent is really about being sensible and knowledgeable about our own children. We need to know just exactly what they need at that particular time, the goal being that they became great muslims in the future. If they need to be reprimanded for their own good, then do it (‘I must be cold-hearted against their whining and tears and pleading…’). If they deserve a reward for improved behavior or a good action, don’t be stingy! Praise them, hug them, smile at them! Buy them a small gift. It’s really YOUR thought (about them) that counts.